Nothing is as constant as change. I feel like this is a motto I am destined to live by and perpetually resist. This last year has been one of the most difficult and, ironically, rewarding years of my life. Everything has changed. 2009, I spent a lot of time with a baby in my belly, begging the Lord to preserve his little life and allow me to be his mother. I remember thinking that this was one of the most difficult things I had ever done because "my heart was on the outside of my body" with my child, even though he wasn't born yet.
Then Cache came in August. I didn't understand hard work before him. ;) He was the blessing Wes and I had been waiting for and he has filled our lives with so much joy and peace and change. We have had to adjust and become less selfish, less "gone" from home, and less spontaneous (it's hard to be spontaneous when Cache needs to be fed, bathed, and in bed before 8:00 pm. LOL.). But it is all worth it. I found myself teaching "part time" with enough work to still be full time. I was in charge of so much more this year at the school, but I never had enough hours to do it all. Student government, website, teaching, going to school. Even though I was running a marathon, the finish line was too far away. 
This year Wes and I have been blessed with callings that have required a lot of time and energy from us, and that is a big change from activity day leader and ward missionary . I thought I would be able to chill a little at church, but I know the Lord was trying to teach us amazing lessons through our callings. We have had to juggle and rearrange and learn so much this year. Especially within our marriage. I feel like Wes and I have had to learn how to be in love again, through all of the busy-ness of our lives. It is wonderful and also hard at times, but I know we are growing closer. We are becoming a deeper and more eternal couple with every new change that comes. This is especially true when we try to turn to each other and the Lord at these times of big changes. I am so grateful for my eternal best friend.
Also, my beautiful sister Lindsey left on her mission and that was a huge change for me. She is my best friend and so fun to be with. I still have days where I cry and miss her desperately because she is far away. But I am so proud of her and the mission she is serving.
I guess what I am trying to say is: life is one constant change. It is what keeps us honest and uncomfortable and humble. It makes me rely on the Lord with so much more faith. I need Him in my life. I need Him to direct me and help me through this constant change. Every decision I make seems to have such huge consequences that are eternal and that will effect my beautiful son and awesome husband.
And now, as it is 2010 and the school year is ending, I find even more changes coming to our home. I can't say I am desperately excited for all of them, though in all fairness, I should probably give them a chance. I am just feeling a bit pensive about the beautiful life the Lord has given me and how each season has to shift and change in order for us to appreciate the last season, and grow better in the new one.
I am leaving my job after three years of teaching English. I think I am a bit heartbroken because it has been such a powerful and dominating part my life. I love my students. I feel like I have been doing a work that others might not ever want or get to do. I love the children that no one else loves. My goal has been to make each one feel special, loved, wanted, SMART, capable, and beautiful in their own way. Have I been perfect? Far from it. But I have tried with all of my heart to show that "this isn't about me." I have wanted to make learning and life fun and exciting, and I hope, in some small way, that I have. My brother, Kade, is graduating from high school and another member of my family will be leaving into the world of mature adults (lol). Kade and I are probably the most alike in my family, which is a good and a bad thing. It sure has caused some big fights in our day (including lots of swears and slaps), but it sure has caused a deep bond as well. We both like to tease and push buttons, we enjoy playing sports and being competitive. We get defensive and angry faster than we probably should. We both like to laugh, write, read, love, and serve. He is such a tenderhearted, good person. He loves the Lord with all of his heart and he tries to serve Him daily.
Kade is so tender with those with special needs at his school. Kade is a friend to those who are lonely or afraid. Kade is a leader through his example. He does some stupid and squirrelly things, which can tick us all off, but he does far more good in the world than even I am aware of. I am so proud of him and I love him with all of my heart. I am truly so blessed to be his sister. He has taught me how to relax and enjoy the world. He has taught me how to love more purely. I can only wish him the best as he heads out to make his dreams real, and I hope he will always know he has a safe place in my heart and embrace. Cache is growing so big and I don't want to miss out on a moment of him. He is my life and he brings so much joy to our family. He is a strong and wonderful spirit and I am truly blest to be his mother.
This has turned into a mondo blog. Sorry. I guess I just needed to express my feelings about change, and realize that there will always be joy in the journey. I just need to remember to live fully in the season I am in.
